back to work; back to normal

It occurred to me this morning, while walking in to work for the start of my first full week after the silly season, that a person could become sick of those same faces every single day. It occured to me, I think, because I was sick of those same faces and I hadn’t even arrived yet. Is that the real reason for holidays? A break from the same? Is that the real reason people change jobs? Kind of like a divorce? Probably.

 

ok, now he’s the bf

Summer chafing; I bought some long-legged underwear to avoid it.

I said to the bf, before I shock you, let me show you…

 

pondering stupidity and perfection

More on new year’s resolutions. I have a habit of being vocally critical of others who have done something stupid, and you can only get away with that if you don’t give a damn what other people think of your own less-than-perfect ways, or if you are perfect. I am not in either category. This is when I have to sit back and consider carefully rather than rush in making instant judgments. If I do this I can avoid stressing about the stupidity of others and my own imperfections, both of which cancel each other out anyway.

 

New Year’s Day

I have two new year’s resolutions. The first one is to do with work, which in a nutshell is to not let the crap that happens there bother me so much. I need to learn to not take it too seriously; to not worry if I am left out of the loop; to put more time into getting it right rather than falling victim to the need for speed, and to not feel inadequate if I don’t know it all… immediately. My second resolution is to lose weight and get fit (mainly by drinking less alcohol)!

I spent new year’s eve with TM and we did a lot of talking. I now know a lot more about his married situation and how it ended up being the way it is. I was right about his wife being sick, but that is not the only reason they still see each other. He says he will tell her about his new situation but not right now. I am happy with that as I now know where I stand.

I left him briefly to pick up the boy from his mate’s place where he spent NYE. I’ve cooked him bacon and eggs which he is eating in bed, no doubt he will sleep all day

I’ll go back to see TM who I left making some OS phone calls.

 

back on track

The Christmas holidays are over (for me) and it is back to work today. I saw TM yesterday and it was great. There has never been anyone I have found it so easy to be with. It was kind of good having a break. The green-eyed monster has gone away for now. We spent some time at my place then went out for dinner at a great place he knew of.

Today I’ll walk the dog and call in at his place, then we’ll catch the train to work together. It’s all back to normal, even my sleeping problem. I have had no trouble sleeping lately until last night when I woke at my usual 3am(ish) time and could not go back to sleep. Strange.

There are two days of work then new year’s day off, then one day of work and then a trip to the country to visit family. This year I plan to go once a month and I expect that’ll rip the pages off the calendar pretty quickly. I don’t want 2009 to go as fast as 2008, that was insane.

 

money

I have had some more windfalls and have not had time to myself to take stock as to what I can do with it all. As well as the money from the boy’s grandfather, I finally received my pay rise (back-dated one year!), and I received the economic stimulus package from the Government.

I will pay my debts and should be able to almost wipe them out completely. Then I can get a savings plan up and running. For the first year in many I did not have to count pennies when I did my Chrismas shopping, and I have been able to buy as much food and drink as I like for my visitors without worrying I’ll run out of cash.

For myself I plan to buy a pushbike.

 

Christmas cheer

Today is day four of visitors; of toys and food crumbs all over the floor, of doors being left open so the cats come and go as they please. Of endless meal preparation and washing dishes. The humidity has arrived and it’s been nice to sit on the verandah with my sister and have some beers. Yesterday there was a fantastic storm that cooled everything down. The dog was frightened and he got very wet because he took shelter under some bushes instead of his kennel. He and his kennel have been moved right out the back so he doesn’t nip the little boy.

I think they are leaving today. I have today and tomorrow off work so a day to clean up and have some time to myself.

I saw TM yesterday when I walked the dog. I won’t see him today because it is Sunday, his day playing husband. I don’t feel inclined to spend every spare moment I have with him anymore. I want to take some time back for myself.

 

melancholy

Christmas Day at my house was OK, some good, some bad. The presents were well-received but I could have cooked the meal better.

I told TM he was welcome to come to my house, and he said “thank you”, but didn’t come. Turns out his wife had plans after all for the morning, and he had dinner at his sister-in-law’s. She and her sisters spring things on him, or make plans for him without telling him. I just do not get it.

It seems to me that we should have been able to spend at least some time together. We did, actually. I walked the dog in the morning as usual and called in to his place. We mainly just slept for an hour or so. I felt sad and thought I was going to cry! I had to pull myself together because I didn’t want him to know, but I was very quiet.

I was feeling fine about the wife and the strange control she has over him, as she doesn’t know about me and it is kind of fun being with him just before he attends driving duties for her, and she would be very angry if she found out. But what is going on here? It is very strange. I wonder if he is living in some kind of false reality where I am a pleasant diversion, loved or not, and that it will all go horribly wrong for me.

He told me a sob story about his father on the phone last night, that the woman he left his wife for, 20 years his junior, now wants to divorce the father and put him in a home because he has dementia. Sweet revenge for his mother I say, but I don’t say it to him.

He asked when will I see you again and I was non-commital. I won’t go out of my way while my family are here. I don’t think he wants to meet them. The wife and sisters had planned that he go to another sister-in-law’s today without telling him. He said he would not, and use the fact that his wife would not be there as an excuse. I said, “do they not think you have enough to fill your time?” With the family he has already I am not surprised he does not have time for another.

 

ready for Christmas

It is Christmas eve tomorrow, I finished the shopping today and I feel ready for the family to arrive. It is the first time I have had Christmas at my house for years – and only the second time ever. Tomorrow TM & I will go out for lunch, our first going out thing. Can’t wait! I need to ask TM over Christmas day. I was sure he would be doing something with the wife but he is not! I will ask him tomorrow. I don’t know why I have delayed it for two days. I am a delayer.

I had three beers after work. Too much. Today I saw the doctor and even though everything is fine health-wise I am at least 5 kilos overweight. The dreaded 5 kilos… it would be nice to lose those dreaded 5 kilos in the new year. TM says maybe we can do something together (smile). I wuv him.

 

a bum is a bum

My last bf has, cooincidentally, the same name as the current one, although he used the full version, this one a diminutive. TM asked me if I like his bum and I thought it was funny that the other bf had once asked the same question. I could only say yes, but really a boy’s bum is just a bum to me, nothing special. My bum, on the other hand, is beautiful. Or so they say.