i let him kiss me

I am very mean, being sick of his boring emails every day saying the same thing… what he has eaten, how sweaty he is (! really can you blame me)… but it occurred to me, he is not a writer, not a wordsmith. English is not his first language! In his language I would be useless. He is simply keeping in touch. It is sweet. A lot of men wouldn’t bother.

I am not for kissing in public but he will kiss anywhere. I tired of everywhere but I let him kiss me at home, in private, and it was like beginning again. I got off the train early though because I wanted to avoid the end-of-journey extravaganza.

 

annoying neighbours

If you are the type who feels the need to go to church every Sunday, I don’t think you should casually give yourself a Sunday off. What is that all about - God will understand if you miss a day? Those to whom it is important you keep up appearances will understand if you miss a week? Ha! They won’t understand, but will relish the opportunity to talk about you when you are not there.

Talking about my neighbours

They of the daily use of the leaf-blower. Not talking to me for some reason. The ultimate revenge, not talking to them either. I am sure they find it quite disconcerting because there is nothing wrong with them.

Hmm, I think it is time for the daily hour-long session with the leaf-blower so that I can eat off the concrete. Global warming. Caused by him. Single-handedly. She has a cabinet of dolls. It is frightening the way people can make a useless life useful.

 

paying for mowing

I have engaged the services of a lawn-mowing person. It is a load off my mind. I should have done it years ago. The teenager isn’t interested and I’m not the whip-cracking type of mother. I can’t blame him – I am not interested either! I do have a job, though… hmm, I’ll leave that topic.

The grass has had its second mow and is looking good. The mowing job is a bit rough, but so is my house  – old rental in genteel decay – so I am not too fussed. I think he is of the opinion he has under-quoted… but I am not so sure. He quoted less that I expected, and that is good! He also does the edges, of course, which is the thing I don’t do.

I was sure TM would pick that I had not done it myself but he didn’t say anything when he saw it after the first mow.

Now it has had the second mow and TM, not realising, has commented that it is still quite short. I thought he would figure out I had paid someone. He asked when did I last mow it and I said “about two months ago…!” and waited for the reply, but there was none. How very sad my life is.

Somewhat annoyingly, my grass is now the neatest in the street. I was looking forward to fitting in! For one reason and another the other front lawns are being let go.

 

sick of work

I didn’t go to work today. I don’t feel guilty at all. It is a mental health day to prevent later mad leave. I won’t be missed. I’m not sure anyone knows what it is I do. I can work from home without any interruptions except my cat on my lap, who I cuddle, and kiss on the head. Mwah… mwah… mwah!

 

my imaginary friends

A funny thing happened. I started talking to myself again. I had not realised that I had stopped until the morning I found myself doing it again… telling myself about something that had happened the day before. I had not stopped talking to myself at all. I had stopped talking to my imaginary friends.

In the absence of real people to talk to, I talk to myself. As an introvert, I probably prefer it this way. It is demoralising to be talking to someone and they start to drift, start to look bored.

At the same time I started talking again to my imaginary friend, I came out of the depression. I always thought it was bad to talk to yourself, but now I have changed my mind, if it means I am not depressed.

 

parrot hat flies the coop

Old Parrot Hat came to say good bye as he is retiring from work. He is having a party and wants me to come. I smiled politely and said all the right things, including “yes”. He says he has a photo of me that he meant to give me. Perhaps he will present it to me at the party in front of all our work colleagues. What fun. I really don’t think I can go to that party.

 

why blog?

To feel less alone in the world.

 

twelve months on

It has been twelve months since I ventured blog-side. I feel the need today so that I can talk to someone about all my freaky problems and issues. I am happy today. Yesterday I was not. There is something inside that causes the unhappiness.

I see looking back at the last entries that the same old things are bugging me. I have put on weight rather than lost it, but I am drinking less. My last hangover was twelve months ago. That is very impressive. I have grown up at last.

The sleep problems have returned, almost the same as before. This is interesting and leads me to think it might be a time-of-the-year thing. I plan to have a holiday in October next year, as November is the time I get fed up and go mad at work. I’ll have one before that – but in the long term every October will be the plan. I’ll come back ready for the Summer, when everyone else will have gone mad, except me.

I see less of TM now. Our relationship has not moved on as I would have expected. We spend most of the time together when we are not eating, kissing. I have tried to explain that as he can’t be there for me in other ways we will need to spend less time together so that I can get other things done. He seems to have taken this seriously. He could read between the lines and spend time with me helping to do other things, as other boyfriends have done to impress, but he hasn’t done that. I will not ask for help.

He doesn’t phone every night anymore – he doesn’t phone at all. I have told him there is no need to call unless he has something to tell me. We see each other every morning on the train and when we spent almost an hour on the phone each night there is nothing left to talk about. This is better but it leads me to feel that the longer we go on I know him less rather than more. We have broken up briefly, twice, over his wife. Status quo there. I missed him. I am losing respect for him, and that is the real problem. I need a new name for him. TM is so last year, but I’ll have to think on that one.

 

back to work; back to normal

It occurred to me this morning, while walking in to work for the start of my first full week after the silly season, that a person could become sick of those same faces every single day. It occured to me, I think, because I was sick of those same faces and I hadn’t even arrived yet. Is that the real reason for holidays? A break from the same? Is that the real reason people change jobs? Kind of like a divorce? Probably.

 

ok, now he’s the bf

Summer chafing; I bought some long-legged underwear to avoid it.

I said to the bf, before I shock you, let me show you…